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An Apology To China

Dear China,

The United States of America apologizes to the People's Republic of China for allowing our reconnaissance plane to be hit by your poorly trained, hot-dogging fighter pilot, while flying in international airspace.

We're sorry we have to fly surveillance missions to monitor a country that has nuclear missiles pointed at us.

We're sorry your pilot didn't follow international standards of fighter intercept protocol.

We're sorry his aircraft recognition skills were so poor he didn't realize the EP-3 aircraft was propeller driven and flew his aircraft through its propeller arc, destroying his aircraft and nearly killing 24 American crewmen.

We're sorry your fighter pilot's survival training and equipment was so inadequate that he couldn't survive until your poorly trained and equipped navy could find him and that they turned down our offer for search and rescue assistance.

We're sorry you violated international law and arrested the crewmen of an aircraft that legally diverted into your airfield under emergency conditions caused by your pilot's actions.

We're sorry you violated international law and boarded a state aircraft.

We're sorry the world is now seeing you for the enemy of freedom, truth, and democracy that you really are.

We're sorry you see yourself as a superpower when in reality you are a third world nation and that the average Chinese worker earns less than 10 cents a day.

We're sorry you are losing so much face over this.

We're sorry that you were able to steal missile and nuclear secrets from us.

We're sorry you haven't learned from the Soviet Union's collapse and failed to embrace democracy and capitalism (compare tiny Taiwan and mainland China; same people, same culture, but Taiwan's capitalistic economy is a powerhouse and China's economy is still mired in communism).

We're sorry for the future Chinese military deaths that will occur when we retaliate for your roughish behavior.

And most of all, we're sorry for the Chinese people who suffer its leaders' incompetence.

Sincerely,
Citizens of the United States of America

 

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