THE BILL OF NO RIGHTS
by Lewis Napper
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our descendants, hereby
try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for
the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other proponents of
socialism and or authoritarianism.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that many people are confused by
the Bill of Rights and apparently require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any
other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them,
but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country
was based upon freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you!
You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion,
etc., but the world is full of dolts, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free of harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans
are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in
need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who will achieve nothing more
than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free healthcare, regardless of
what Hillary thinks. That would be nice, but from the looks of public
housing, we're just not interested in public heath care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If
you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised
if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens,
don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a
place where you won't have the right to big screen color TV or life of
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk
their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to
fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world
and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every
little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us want all of you
to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect
you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.